Having struggled with depression for half of my lifetime, I identify so much with what Rich Larson said recently on Chris Cornell’s suicide.
In my journey to win over depression I have lived through some extremely dark times. Depression sucked me into some very dark pits but my belief in myself and the Universe (yes faith has a very important place in my life, perhaps it is the axis my life revolves on) brought me out into the light, each time.
Having a loving and undemanding family, a few unconditional close friendships — even though they did not understand nor made an effort to understand, have been a boon. As on hindsight, I realise that perhaps I was spared the stigmatisation due to my near ones’ unawareness and unacknowledgement of the darkness that is depression. An ironical example of good being present in all pains. So it has been a tough and lonesome struggle and the eventual success over it, for me. And in the process I came to know and understand myself more. Developing new facets of my personality and expanding the reaches of my mind.
Left to my own devices with the blessed responsibility of my small child, I have constantly tried out various ways and methods to distract my mind. To express it out of my system with the help of art, words, jogging, counselling, cleaning the house till I fall down with exhaustion, yelling, crying, isolating myself, accusing, introspecting, meditation, helping others in need, photography, etc etc. And yes, all these methods helped. But the most effective ones have always been, the ones that brought out my true essence.
– Creating, meditation, helping others, music and yoga and most of all spending alone time with myself with awareness. All these have helped me live with mindful awareness. Watching my thoughts and the direction they are taking has taught me to be aware of the signs , which alert me to change directions. To consciously remove myself from that path and head on a different one.
But have I successfully banished depression out of my life? No, and now that I have stopped questioning it’s presence or blaming others for its birth or losing my patience over it or feeling shameful or guilty about it — by simply accepting it’s existence just as I accept mine — I have in many ways, won over it. I control it, instead of it controlling me. Though I still have a long way to go, but I know the path I am on is right and it will help me overcome it soon.
And today , I take a new step towards my on going healing — by sharing my journey and struggle with depression, with the world. With the hope of reaching out to others like me. Hoping that they find strength and solace in my words. Hoping they themselves embark on a journey of self discovery, where they discover their own respective strengths to help them overcome and heal. It’s time to stop running away from yourself . Time to embrace both the light and darkness that we all are within. Time to acknowledge the darkness as a part of you, to accept and convert it into your strength and light.
As Rich Larson so aptly says — Chris Cornell leaves a very important message for us. To stand up for ourselves, own ourselves and reach out for help, beginning with yourself — be the help that you need.
Look at what Rich Larson wrote on Chris Cornell and his passing here.